Buddy's Hospital Hints

The Information Desk People

The people at the information desk are our friends. They have treats. They will pet you and coo over you while your mom is signing in. They will tell you that you have lost weight. Try to spend as much time here as possible.

When a group of children is heading your way:

1. Start backing away and head the opposite direction as quickly as possible.

2. Run forward, bouncing and licking.

3. Look at your mom and see what she says. She usually says to wait and "Say hi."

I have had the most success with option 3. Children pat very softly, and I haven't had a lollipop stuck in my fur yet, although I have been offered one (my mom said "leave it.").

Elevator or Stairs?

While the elevator can be lots of fun (I love to watch doors open and close), the stairs are great because there are so many sniffs in them and you never know who you are going to meet. I especially love the cafeteria smell when we go to the stairs on the first floor, but my mom never lets me go down to the basement, so I just have to dream about it.

It Sounds So Much Better in Spanish

Humans mean well, but I know what they are saying even in Spanish. I try not to take it personally when they say "que grandote" (what a big, fat one) or "es bien gordo" (he's quite fat). I am who I am. I just smile and lean a little harder against them. They are, after all, under a lot of stress. Here, though, is some Spanish that's nice to hear: "no muerde" (he doesn't bite), "no hace nada" (he doesn't do anything — really, it's a compliment: it means I'm safe), and the one I get most often: "que bonito" (he's exceptionally good-looking, better looking, in fact, than any other dog I have ever met or ever will meet, probably).

Eye Contact

Although we have to be careful how we use it in our world, humans like it. Meeting someone's gaze even while checking out their food tray with your nose can provide that empathic contact that people crave. They don't know that you're thinking about chicken; they think you admire and understand them. Let them have this illusion.

Finally

The hospital can be very warm and dry. Drink plenty of water. More important, when you are done with your rounds, make your mom think you are really, really hot and maybe she will take you to Coot Lake for a swim.

Buddy, a golden retriever of exceptional physique, and his mom, Kristen Asmus, do their visits at the downtown hospital on Sunday afternoons.

(Note: In referencing "mom," Buddy in no way wishes to exclude those canine corps volunteers who are men. He also does not mean to disregard any small dogs in his discussion. He is simply writing from his own experience.)